Water

Water in the rain

                     that rushes down the gutter

Water down the pain 

                     with rum and cokes for mother

Water running from the tap

                     that probably gets reused

Water filling up the gap

                     made by the never-accused

Monologue of Nov 15

Hey,

I did this for you.

I want you to feel guilty, I want you to agonize over this forever.

I'm going to call you after this, and you're not going to pick up. I know. I already do.

And then it'll be all over, and that would've been your last shot at redemption. Too late now, there's no escaping me!

It's already over.

Once you realize, I know it will consume, and I covet the thought. With relish. I cherish. 

Oh, what sweet, tantalizing joy it brings me even to think it!

My body, lying there. 

The bewitching beauty of my soulless self.

And the blood! So much, so immense you could bathe in it.

Oh! My pride surges with just the thought!

The majesty.

The glory.

  

I can't wait.

I only hope you get a glimpse of me before I'm black-bagged. Oh, what horror! What delight. You're going to feel so responsible, it kills me!

Oh, baby... I don't care if there's a Hell where I'm headed. I don't even think about damnation. It's all worth it.

Just to embed my existence within you.
I'll live on forever, this way, inside you.

My memory will consume you quicker than any transient manifestations ever could.  And it won't matter whether you want it or not! It's there! My blood. We share. Drown in it. 


I'll drive you mad. With your own guilt. 

You'd better feel guilty!

Blame yourself, because it's all for you. 

I love you.

Good bye.

Doesn't Matter

Come on! What the fuck!

What about me?!

I do everything for everyone else

What about me?

Fuck you, okay? Just shut up!

What about me?

Oh... Really? Oh, man, I'm... No...

... What about me?

Oh, really? That is such bullshit!

What about me?

Can't there be anything for just me?

Can't there be someone who will sacrifice for my sake? Like I'm always doing for them?
I'm tired of doing just to please others! I need some me time, people, back the fuck off.
That's harsh... But... Maybe if you guys stop asking of me, stop chasing me, making me, I can just be me... And sure enough, I'll probably be the one after you eventually! Won't that be nice? And I mean that! On both sides, I'd be there because I actually want to. I'd be acting on my own desires, and in turn, you guys get the truth. The honest, no holds barred, genuine truth...
What do you mean you don't give a shit?
... Are you kidding me right now?
Wow... Really... Huh, okay...
Well, you know what?
Fuck you.

Yesterday

I tried to help a friend today

And acted not for myself

For once.

Quite rare

For me to do something I wanted to do

And still, it wasn't

For myself.

But for a friend

And even if it didn't make me feel better

Though it does

I was glad to do it.

I'm glad I had the chance to be there for someone

And it feels good

And it feels good

And it feels good