3.04.2010

Mine

Mine

My nose burns.
My nose drips and coughs and numbs.
My nose is straight.
My nose is ticklish and flared and acute.
My nose cries.
My nose bleeds and stings and blows.

My mouth bites.
My mouth chews and talks and lies.
My mouth has cracks.
My mouth has teeth and tongue and lips.
My mouth screams.
My mouth curses and frowns and whistles.

My ears pound.
My ears sear and throb and collect.
My ears are shy.
My ears are attached and pierced and paired.
My ears are not clear.
My ears are not safe or true or fair.

But my eyes see.
My eyes blur and tear and drift, but...

My eyes see and
My nose smells and
My ears hear and
My mouth tastes and
My eyes see.

And my eyes see.

My 
eyes 
see.

2.28.2010

College Essay

Courage 
My Ode to Allegory of the Cave

I walk through the forest. 
Barefoot, though I feel not twig nor stone. 
My eyes stay closed, as you had said, "walk and see with your ears instead."

The swish of the leaves in the breeze. The call of the birds in the trees. 
The sweet sounds shift deeper. The incline grows steeper.
The temperature grows milder as the winds become wilder.
There is a constant crackling beneath me, and stray branches whip my bare form.
The cuts might bleed, but never will I flee. In my head, resonates your odd decorum:
"Look, but not with your eyes." 
"Look, though you might regret it."
"Look, but you won't hear their cries."
"Look, though you may forget it."

What lies ahead, I cannot say, but something keeps the danger at bay.
Like Orpheus, I only need not to look back. Like Eurydice, there lies a passive-aggresive attack.
My breath quickens at the notion... Am I afraid?
Overcome by emotion, I feel myself fade.
The winding flow of my thoughts tightens my chest,
And tempts my eyelids, that twitch in contest.

All the while, my throat fights one huge lump.
All the while, blooms my one organ's dense thump.
My organ, so vital, so very alive.
I can hear it, I can feel it, and I will it to thrive... Strive... Survive.
The pounding organ is overwhelming, if only just.
I know, though, my heart does just what it must.

None betray what lies before my feet. Still, I walk, blind, with that steady beat. 
And though my eyes are closed, I still can cry. Cry alone and no one hears but I. 
Still, I walk my trek through the brush of rigor.
I can't know what comes next, but hopes flush with vigor.
I know if I stop, if I float to the sky, then that's giving up, and all that's left is to die. 

It is then that I hear it, I am not alone.
"We all walk together, carved from the same stone."
All are meant to thrive. Strive. Survive.
And Fate was set before our time.
Who knows our reason and our rhyme?
We're all just meant to be alive. And so,
my feet keep pace.

2.03.2010

MCC prompt

I feel the gunshots in Iraq
I shed a tear
I feel the ghetto schools shut down
I shed a tear
I see rejection in a stack
I swallow fear
I see stopped subways undergroud
I swallow fear
I hear the news on channel 5
I stifle madness
I hear my family shout and hate
I stifle madness
I taste the screams of those who strive
I chase the sadness
I taste the good that comes too late
I chase the sadness
I feel the conflict of my tears
I see the roots of all my fears
I hear the voices of my madness and
I taste the victims of my own sadness
And I apologize though I don't know how or why
But sometimes I want to save everyone and everything and sometimes I want to leave it all behind

1.29.2010

It's a Circle

Broken chains can't be fired back together. Not these, and not when they're mismatched links to begin with.

They keep trying to get back together and the colliding links clink metal ticks through the rest of the chain and erupt and quake and break. Regroup again, re-link, reconnect. Try it, try it. We want a whole. We like to see things put together.

But it's like the broken pieces aren't polarized. Maybe they never were in the first place. Maybe this whole time they were forced together by some super glue and that super glue just run out now and it's out of stock and it's not coming back in stock, at least not anytime soon.

I think broken things, in general, are very pretty. It's fun to point them out and admire the beauty in the ugly. If I were to see that broken chain lying in the middle of the sidewalk on a street somewhere maybe down by Wall Street I might think it's pretty. I might be moved by it and want a picture of it or want to take it for myself!

But it's not fun if you're a link in that chain. It's not fun when that broken chain that's scattered and un-polarized- but still associates of one another- is a chain that resides somewhere half drowning in swamp and sinking and sinking and the last thing that link, that's you, that's me, sees, is a chance.

1.26.2010

I Guess It's a Feeling

In my gut. Maybe... 
Not my gut... 
Maybe in my chest, my ribs... 
I don't know where, really, but I don't think that matters... 
It's the feeling I get, that feeling...
It's like, for a second, I can't even breath, like, I've forgotten to exhale, and- and even though this only lasts for the first split second- the air building up in my chest puts all this pressure, and it's- what is it? 
It's so intense, it's so... Thick. 
And I get like that for only, like, a nanosecond. 
Just that first instant when we come into contact with each other, just this minute moment in time...
Just for that single moment... When our eyes meet... Sometimes, when I'm with you... I'm not sad or anything, but--
I feel like crying.
I don't know why.
I don't know.

1.24.2010

Tweet


  1. Sometimes i want to save everything and everyone and sometimes i want to leave it all behind.from txt

  2. Are you reading this? Probably not. I don't think you have a twitter.from txt




  3. 'When I'm with you I'm not sad but I feel like crying.'from txt




  4. It still has pillows but really i'm just burning and poking shitfrom txt




  5. Getting pseudo creative in my lofty art space that was my bed.from txt




  6. I think there are now four people that stimulate a muse in me... They are two pairs of enemies... That's funny.from txt

1.15.2010

Convulse

I woke up today. I sat on my toes and I cried  in short, 30 second bursts for maybe 20 minutes... I wanted to sob aloud so badly, but I held it in. Hard. So hard my entire body shook, convulsing like yesterday when I was under-dressed and it was 10:00 pm and 23° outside. I'd cry and get up and wipe my cheeks and my nose and breath deeply. I tried really hard to calm down, because I felt afraid. 


Ahhh, this sounds sad, but, I realized it's hopeless. My feelings are hopeless. I'm always going to feel this way no matter what... Nobody will change just by me willing it... And I don't say that bitterly- only with a bit of sadness.

Yes?

My photo
I'd say I'm too attatched to ever be ironic. I'm too ignorant to be influential. Too distracted to finish. I'm working on it.

I am a Dream

And right now it is all very foggy, and if I were outside I wouldn't find my way back in. But I think I might not have ever been there in the first place.